Here’s the deal

seated at the same desk
at the same job with the same people
who hardly talk to each other
munching candy for a sugar rush
that will hopefully stave off the inevitable afternoon coffee binge
that will keep us from falling into drone sleep before the end of the day

dressing in costumes so we look like what we are supposed to be
desperately trying not to eat those stale donuts
dessicating in the break room next to the coffee we are trying so hard not to drink
the donuts that will add to our pudging waistlines because we sit in the same place almost all day
and we don’t have time to exercise anyways
because if we took enough time to do these things
or do all our errands
or just finish the laundry
or finally visit our relatives in Turkey
or finally organize the garage full of things that we really don’t have time to use anyhows
or just brush the cat once in a while
or get around to redesigning the living room
or the guest room that is always empty anyways because nobody has time to come visit

we might be discovered
our cover might be blown
and we will be exposed for the “non-workerbees” that we really are
and our bosses and our coworkers would see through the false veil for once
and then we might lose this parody of a job
and not be able to afford all these things that we actually shouldn’t have anyways
and don’t really have the time to use in any case

and then we’d have time
to get enough exercise
and do all our errands
and just finish the darn laundry
and finally organize the garage full of things we really will have time to use now
and brush the cat from head to toe maybe a couple times a week
and totally redesign the living room so you can actually sit down and enjoy it with a cup of cardamom tea
and maybe even the guest room, which might have guests sometime if they ever get fired too and have time to come over

and we’d be happy and healthy and we would see sunshine and birds would sing

but then of course we wouldn’t get to keep all those nice things for long

and pretty soon we’d have to go sign up for another parody job so that we can get paid not to do all the things that we won’t have time for
so we can get paid to just keep showing up and then
we can barely pay our bills and then its off to work again

even a hamster on a treadmill can learn to enjoy the round and round

its not that I hate my job, we all can learn to put up with them
its not really that bad, even a monkey can learn to enjoy playing the cymbals
its just that we would really all rather so something else
that’s the nature of work; if you are getting paid to do something
chances are that someone else really doesn’t want to do it

careful with those donuts they are packed with trans fats
have you allocated your 401k properly?
does Bernie in accounting have swine flu?
did I forget to pay for my carbon offsets this month?
is my chair ergonomically adjusted properly so I’m not damaging my spine?
then how come my back always hurts?
and how come my eyes have trouble adjusting to natural light at the end of the day
what’s happening to the pygmys on the other side of the planet?

hey wait a minute
why did we all sign up for this charade in the first place
isn’t the whole point of being civilized so that we can have a better life
but this is a parody of a better life
I don’t see anything better about it

no seriously

standing in the snow waiting for my commuter subway to take me back to work again
wearing that outfit that makes me look like a good employee
the shirt that I wouldn’t be caught dead in at a party
the pants that make me look like somebody’s mom
the shoes that are nice but not too noticeable or dramatic
so I can walk calmly and undetected down the hall to the breakroom
and try not to drink too much coffee
and struggle not to eat those stale donuts as they stare back at me reproachfully

what am I doing here?
when I’d much rather sleep in
fold my shirts in a nice orderly fashion with the fun ones on top
completely sort my socks and underwear by ROYBGV
spend a whole hour doing my hair until I finally get it the way I like it
write something clairevoyant about pygmys on the other side of the planet
cook a meal using only orange things and broccoli
paint a picture of naked people smiling
plaster the entire ceiling with pictures of the places that I want to visit
write a list of the things I want to do in my life on a huge whiteboard in stinky permanent marker
sew a flamboyant cape with a fringe and swoop around on the roof in it
build a fort out of junk mail and christmas lights
practice putting out candles with my fingers
get certified for driving old passenger busses on windy South American dirt roads
perfect my yodeling so people actually enjoy it

maybe this work thing really is a crappy idea and
maybe the other people here in the cold and wind
at the noisy nasty sludgy subway station think so too
and maybe we can all just agree all at once to stop doing this silly thing and
go do something else and to hell with it all

just for a while
wouldn’t it be nice?