Parking Wutch

So there I was

circling the parking lot

like a tired bee over an empty flower

no spots opened up

long walk and a shuttle from the next parking lot

4 passengers and a lot of snowboarding gear

thinking mostly of them

looking for a parking spot

finally a guy is leaving

I line up and wait for the precious spot

blinker on

everyone knows, going around me,

I make room for them to pass

then in the room I made

up comes the parking Wutch

on her white Audi TT broom with a luggage rack on it

screeching at me

I roll down my window

ready to give directions or whatever she might be needing

then it comes, she says

“I’ve been circling this lot for a while

so I’m just going to take this spot”

I’m in shock

too nice to know what to do

I tell her

“You’re a shitty human being.”

Taking the high road, I leave,

no need for an ugly altercation in a parking lot

no need to spread the crud

its just a parking spot

sheesh people this is supposed to be fun going skiing and all

I park a mile away, take the shuttle

start snowboarding

now here I am riding down the mountain

toe edge, heel edge, toe edge,

great weather, sun shining, no wind

everything is right with the world, life is good

heel edge, toe edge, swaying, feeling the groove,

yet I’m looking down at the parking lot from the mountain

looking for that white TT

and thinking how Karma’s a bitch

thinking how sharp the edges of my snowboard are

the roar of metal edges scraping the ice

heel edge, sway, lean, toe edge, woah, almost lost it there, got my balance

thinking how I could write something nasty on her windshield with lipstick

then regroup, lean into it now, turn toe edge,

thinking how I should be the better person

take the high road, stop the bad mojo

heel edge, lean and sway, toe edge

I was zapped by the Parking Wutch

People suck sometimes.

heel edge, sway, lean, toe edge, sway lean

where’s that white Audi now? looking for it,

I lose my concentration

I catch my back edge on a bump

flail, airborne now, dreading what’s next

I wipe out, WHUMP, hit my tailbone, it stings all the way up to my head.

Never lose your concentration.

road rage

self important

sense of entitlement

too fat for your SUV

and I swear your big buggy bumper and your spare tire match

doesn’t wash his hands after peeing

half a brain on the cell phone and not on the road

taking up two spaces

slowing down a parking lot

piling on the modern vices

like too much aftershave before dinner

this is

taking up more of the world than you’re worth

this is

being part of the problem and not the solution

this is

sharing bad karma with total strangers

oh

why am I so angry when life is so good

in my shiny new car

on our nice paved roads

and the sun glows on the ocean as it sets every night

and the birds chirp to my alarm every morning

when my bed is so warm and soft and my house is bright and airy and in a good neighborhood full of nice folks

and I am going to my nice office to work with happy people under the bright midday sun

why am I so angry and ready to get out my car and strangle this slow, terrible driver

who has no idea me and 20 other cars are piled up behind him?

cursing his name and the fat bulbous butt of his cumbersome gas-guzzling automobile

not even carpooling

the outrage

the nerve

oh I am going to be late

why am I so angry about this one little thing when

everyone has an opportunity to do good in the world?

oh yeah this

fatso is slowing me down a little

how infuriating and uttterly terrible

I’m sure the hungry thirst people in Somalia feel bad for me

Thesis on camp coffee

Rant about backpacking stoves

OK maybe its not a rant. Maybe its a treatise. Thesis? I dunno. Here’s my .02 if you’re picking a backpacking stove.

I’ve done a lot of backpacking. I’ve hiked with big groups, just me and Jack, and all by myself. I’ve hiked steep mountains where every ounce matters and all I bring is freeze-dried food. I’ve hiked the Grand Canyon and lived on powerbars, jerky, and cheese cubes. I’ve hiked to hotsprings and cooked Jack eggs and hash browns.  I’ve hiked with posses that want to potluck and cook all sorts of different dishes.

You can go all-out gourmet or you can go really super-basic. The thing with the Jetboil PCS (Personal Cooking System) is… you kind of have to go pretty basic if you choose this device. It boils water, so you’re pretty much committed to freeze-dried type meals. Although it boils water faster and with less fuel than the traditional cookset, it weighs a bit more. I think the basic kit is 19 oz, and you generally only need the itty-bitty fuel cans; your average traditional cookset weighs around 19 oz too (stove = 3oz, ti pot/pan = 6 oz, fuel = 10 oz).

The Jetboil GCS (Group Cooking System; 21 oz w/o fuel) is a more versatile option by far: it allows you to fry, simmer, saute, etc., and the heat mechanism ensures a wonderfully even cooking surface. The alternative, a basic backpacking stove, offers the same versatility as the GCS but allows for a little more cooking technique. Its a little better at searing, etc. but since the flame comes from a small central burner, you have to be pretty good with the spatula or you burn everything in the middle of the pan. Note, however, that it weighs a bit more than the traditional cookset above, and that’s before you add the fuel. Chances are, if you’re cooking for a group, you’ll bring the 10oz fuel rather than the itsy-bitsy fuel. so you’re looking at about 31 oz if you go with the GCS, and you’re looking at about 19 oz if you’re going with the traditional cookset.

So basically, go with the Jetboil PCS if you don’t care what you eat on the trail. Go with the GCS if you do care but you kind of suck at cooking. Go with the traditional cookset if you are a total foodie and you are handy with a spatula.

PS: Coffee Kits

I’m a coffee addict and a total bean snob. I need dark, rich coffee with a lot of kick in the morning to get me out of bed. I’ve gone through a lot of coffee setups. Here’s what I learned:

Instant coffee, coffee packets:
Although some fellow addicts I know can live with these options and have found some nice options in this category, I just can’t do it. Even the fanciest insta-coffee … won’t get me out of bed in the morning.

Filter setups, etc.:
I tried a plastic filter basket that sits on top of my mug and makes one cup at a time, an ultralight filter+stick setup that brews one cup in my mug, and a weird spoon filter kind of thing (think of a tea ball with an ultra-fine mesh) that makes one cup at at time. None of them make that rich coffee that gets me out of bed because the water cools too quickly in the mug. I even tried it in an insulated mug. No dice. Also, making one mug at a time is kind of sad. I like to always have a couple cups ready at once if I’m going to go through the effort. If I don’t have someone to share it with (i.e. roust out of bed), I’ll drink it myself with relish.

Presses:
IMHO, this is the way to go. I have tried a mini-press made of lexan, a titanium press, and a PressBot (folds into your Nalgene). The first two made great coffee but they didn’t make enough; the Ti press was awesome and had a real “cool factor” to it but the wire mesh that comprised the filter part of the press kind of fell apart quickly. It was also hard to clean. The PressBot is so far my best find, since I bring my Nalgene anyways and the bot itself only weighs 3 oz. It does, however, take some technique to get in and out of the Nalgene, handle the grounds, etc. Some practice required; also, don’t get the order of thigns wrong. Coffee grounds go in Nalgene, mount press-bot, then add boiling water. Lastly, there are some presses built into mugs. These are kind of a bummer if you’re sharing. Even if they make enough coffee, folks shy away from sharing your cooties, and secondly, if you want to make a second pot and you’ve already mixed cream and sugar into your share, you have to clean the whole thing out and start over. Incidentally, if you have the Jetboil PCS, there is a lovely coffee press add-on for it that makes great coffee.

Cream, sugar:
I don’t skimp here. I know stevia and equal and nondairy creamer weigh less than packets of sugar and cream (in the little gas-station cups). I don’t care. If I’m going through the trouble to make coffee, it has to be the real thing. I carry real cream and real sugar, about 3 creams and 4 packets per cup of coffee.

Gawd I Wish He’d Shut Up

There’s this guy who sits across from me

at work

who talks on the desk phone

at work

and doesn’t use his cell phone

at work

maybe he can’t afford his cellular plan

I don’t know

because he has been on the desk phone

yapping all day

about his cellular plan

and somedays its other things

at work

like what’s for dinner

or directions to the mall

or what’s on sale at costco

at work

mind you

and he talks kind of loud

so I can’t block it out

and I can’t afford fancy headphones

so I’m going to expense it

at work

this is all going to cost the company alot of money

when all this guy has to do

is grow some manners

and stop farting

My Hiking Gear

My gear

Tents

Mountain Hardwear Kiva
This is a teepee tent; the tent body and floor are separate, and it requires staking and a center pole to pitch. Its a classic expedition/climbers tent, sleeps up to 6 and weighs about 5 lbs. I use this tent whenever there are 4+ hikers willing to share since its hands-down the lightest all-season shelter for that number of people.

*Sierra Designs Omega CD
This is a convertible 3-4 season 2 person tent. At 6.8 lbs, it is heavy by my standards, but its a bombshelter and remains one of the lightest of the Convertible breed even 2 years after release on the market. Whenever I’m headed for winter or harsh weather, this is the go-to tent I bring.

MSR Hubba Hubba
This is my new ultralight 2-person tent. Its an all mesh-tent body with a full rainfly and only weighs like 3 lbs. If I skip the tent body and only bring the fly, poles, and footprint, its like 1.5 lbs. The mesh inner tent make it lots more liveable than the tarp tents in the same weight class.

Target Palace
This 6+ person car camping tent pitches in about 3 minutes. Its a classic dome tent with a window and a door. We have taken it everywhere with us. Measures about 10″x10″

Kelty GIANT MASSIVE TENT
This is our new car-camping tent and we have yet to break it in. I got it at the REI used gear sale for $100. Its so big we can actually fit the Audi inside it, and that’s not counting the separate front porch screen room. I think it measures about 15″x20″ but I’m not sure.

Packs

Camelback Hawg
? 10 liters; dayhiking, travel

Vaude Splash
19 liters; cycling, dayhiking

Jansport Chakra
38 liters; ski mountaineering, dayhiking with bivy

*Vaude Assymetric
55 liters; overnight backpacking, a squeeze for bearcan/4th season

Granite Gear Virga
? 60 liters; ultralight backpacking + hut hiking. Must be under 30 lbs.

REI Venus
65 liters; backpacking w/bearcan or 4-season gear

Cookware

*Basic: 3 oz piezo-ignition Markhill backpacking stove, 6 oz 1/5 liter aluminium pot/lid. Uses standard fuel cans, boils a liter in about 3 minutes at altitude.

Fancy: Brunton Cruz folding backpacking stove (3oz), 6 oz Titanium 2 liter pot and frying pan/lid. Standard fuel, boils a liter in about 2 minutes at altitude.

Carcamping: Coleman 2-burner stove + pots and pans, large and small, Coleman Roadtrip portable grill. Uses Coleman gas cans. Full-size Coleman cooler.

Pressbot coffee press (goes with a Nalgene)

Nesting Titanium mugs (Snowpeak)

Titanium and lexan sporks, forks, etc

Wooden cooking spatulas

Sleeping Gear

*REI Downtime +10 EL. This down bag has a waterproof shell that has saved me many times in rainy conditions. There are now 0-degree bags that do the same job at the same weight, but I have yet to find one that has the waterproof breathable shell.

*Sierra Designs Wild Bill +25. This is Jack’s bag. Its heavy at 4 lbs but really warm even in wet conditions.

*Adventure 16 +25 Down bag. This was my first sleeping bag. Its a great summer bag. ? 3 lbs ?

Thermarest Z-rest short and regular foam pads. These are the ones that fold up accordion style. At 11 and 15 oz (respectively) they provide a decent night’s sleep on most trips.

*Thermarest short lightweight inflatable pads. ~13 oz, 1 inch thick. These were our first backpacking pads. Since then we’ve gotten thicker (heavier) ones and we tend to leave these home. They are very comfy though and indestructable.

Pacific OUtdoor Insulmat Women’s MaxThermo inflatable pad. At about 1 lb. this is my splurge pad for long trips and winter trips. Its about 1.5 inches of insulated bliss.

Big Agnes Air-Core inflatable pad. This is Jack’s new favorite bed; about 2 inches thick, ~12 oz.

Carcamping: REI queen-size air mattress, inflates using the 12-V DC outlet in the car. On top of this, we layer these $11 egg-carton foam pads from Sports Authority. Then several fluffy blankets and Coleman travel pillows from Sports Chalet. Its as comfy as our $1400 memory foam mattress at home.

Water

FirstNeed Water Purifier
Turns any water into “Sparkletts” at about 3 liters a minute (eons faster than most filters; _purifier_, not filter, eliminates _all_ crud and pestilence, even in 3rd world travel). 12 oz. May be bested in quantity/speed/weight by the Steripen or MSR Miox but not if there is silt in the water (and there always is).

MSR Dromlite 4, 6, and 10 liter water bladders. 6 is the most universal. Has shower attachement and hydration tube. Indestructable. Dropped my down the side of Stonewall once, landed in a sharp oak treetop. Scraped off the logo LOL.

Camelback 3 liter Big Mouth bladder. Best sucker tube on the market, nice antibacterial plastic, easy to wash.

REI lightweight (orange) and ultralight (blue) full-size backpacking towels.

Lighting

Princeton Tech Apex Headlamp. Blinding. My favorite new toy. Brighter and more options than the Petzl 3 watt. Love the battery meter. May be bested by the Black Diamond Icon.

Black Diamond Zenix Headlamp. Efficient, bright center spot, good LED camp lighting, adjustable aim.

Black Diamond Lunar Headlamp. Great spot for nighttime navigation. Switches to a soft LED for camp, adjustable aim.

Shoes (all with superfeet insoles)

Salomon SL-6 crampon compatible winter hiking/mountaineering/backpacking boots. Best for steep, technical hikes in wet/freezing conditions and off-trail, like the Palisades. Use heavy socks, sock liners and BodyLube. These are so stiff they tend to rub my heels but all heavy boots do this. BodyLube is my salvation. With gaiters, these are so bombproof I’ve used them for streamcrossings and came out with dry socks.

Raichle full-leather backpacking boots. Good for heavy packs and 10+ mile days, some off-trail, like the Grand Canyon, San Gorgonio, and Yosemite. The new REI brand is the same as these and has a brilliant toecap even on the women’s model.

Lowa Renegade and Tanark; crossover hiking boots. Good for medium weight packs, typical trails, long dayhikes, scrambling, such as San Jacinto from the tram. Not good for off-trail (too many seams to tear). Most Lowas require almost no break in but they do not last as long as stiffer shoes.

Salomon Tech Amphibian; water trail runners. Use neoprene socks. Best for dayhikes with lots of stream crossings like the Bridge to Nowhere. No ankle protection so not for non-stop canyoneering.

Five-Ten Canyoneers. Canyoneering shoes for long, committed routes through deep backcountry ravines like the Narrows in Zion. Stick on even slimy rock and wet sandstone.

Montrail Hard Rock Trail Runners. I’ve recently started using these for almost all my backpacks unless there is snow or off-trail. Super stable, supportive, and ulralight.

La Sportiva ??? Boots. I can’t remember the model name but I have two pairs of these. They have a rubber toe-cap. They are wonderful and I have almost worn them out. I like this brand because they run narrow and fit my skinny feet. They are hard to find.

La Sportiva Boulder and Superfly approach shoes. These are wonderful for daytime scrambles in Joshua tree. I can climb about a 5.8 in these. A little pinchy for dayhikes though.

La Sportiva Mythos climbing shoes. These are hands-down the most fittable climbing shoes on the market. One of the few models people are happy belaying all day. Not the best for crack-climbing but great on edging and smearing.

Crocs and Croc knock-offs
These are wonderful camp shoes because you can keep your socks on (and relatively clean) and they can be handy for the occasional stream crossing. They are weightless at around 3 oz. Nordstrom Rack, Target, and Payless shoes sell the knock-offs for under $10. The ultimate Crocs are the Croc-brand “All Terrain” model, which has a stronger heel strap and more underfoot cushioning against rocks, etc. There is men’s model (black) at Payless with a fancy elastic heel strap that might be even better.

Clothes

(just listing my favorites)

North Face Paramount Porter Convertible pants
They are indestructable, have all the right pockets, and they even look cute. The shorts zip off at a 5″ inseam instead of the usual 7-10″ dork length. I have one pair that is very fitted and one that is a size too big. I take the oversize ones when I might need to layer thick fleece underneath at night.

Patagonia Capilene2 t-shirt, long-sleeve shirt, and longjohns. These are incredibly breathable baselayers. The old “LightWeight Capilene” shirts are the same thing. I use these for spring and summer hikes.

Patagonia Capilene4 zip-neck top, longjohns. These are crazy breathable and amazingly warm and buttery soft for cold weather. Use for fall and winter hiking, skiing, etc.

Patagonia Capilene1 (silkweight) long-johns. I hike in a skirt a lot. In mosquito country, these (sprayed with repellant) protect my tasty skin from most of the bites.

REI, Outdoor Research, Cloudveil, or Mountain Hardwear Polartech Powerstretch Zip-neck top and pants. These are my go-to baselayers for winter when I will be shivering more than I’ll be sweating. The smooth outer face makes layering easy and cat fur doesn’t stick to it.

Patagonia R4 windproof Jacket. As warm as a down jacket even when wet. Completely shuts down the cold even in wind and storms. Fuzzy too. (*I have an extra blue one, size medium)

Western Mountaineering Flight down jacket. About 8 oz and it looks cool. Crazy warm. Don’t get it wet.

Ex Officio Buzz-Off Bandana. It sounds silly but these Permethrin impregnated handkerchiefs really work. I wear it around my neck in Mozzy country.

Patagonia Trim Brim hat. This nylon, floatable hat keeps the sun off and actually looks cute (comes in cute colors). The surf-worthy chinstrap keeps it on even on windy summits and surf-kayaking (though it might slow down your eskimo roll).

*North Face 500 fill power down jacket. This was my first down jacket, size medium. Sleeves were too short. Black.

Outdoor Research Zealot Rain Shell
7 oz. Waterproof breathable. Need I say more?

Bridgedale Women’s Backpacking socks. These fit better than any other sock, and hold their loft nicely. I don’t need a liner for most of my boots with these.

Mountaineering/Climbing

Charlet Moser Ultralight ice axe; 65 cm. About a 14 oz; there are now lighter axes on the market, but only by a few oz.

Grivel G-12 12-point hybrid crampons. These work with boots that only have the lip on the heel but have enough spike for front pointing.

Black Diamond Half Dome Climbing Helmetn. It was orange.

Sterling Biathlon Pro 10.1 60 m Dry Dynamic Rope (2 seasons use, ~30 climbs, mostly TR, always used ropeguards over friction)

*Trad climbing rack, mostly Wild Country and Metolius gear; 7 cams, 6 tricams, 6 hexes, 12 nuts. All dedicated oval biners. 10+ locking biners. 4 seasons use, ~ 20 climbs, never dropped. Barely scratched. Practically brand new.